I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
