alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
