You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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