i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
