So drunk its hurt
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
