All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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