yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
