I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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