I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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