I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
