Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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