the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
