Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
