And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
