On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
