Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if only i could text you this smell
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
