wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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