how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
