Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
