dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
