I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
