but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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