I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
