Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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