took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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