conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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