goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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