tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
