The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
