how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
