i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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