I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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