i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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