You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
