How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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