i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
