Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
