there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
