She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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