I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
