so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
