i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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