cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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