Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
