So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
