come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
