The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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