i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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