She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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