somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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