all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
