We're like a lot better than the average bears
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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