No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
