you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
