so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
