she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
