Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
